Alex’s Pretentious Author Party

If you’re friends with us or even tacitly know us, you’ve probably heard Alex wrote a book! (Here’s a link just in case.)  We decided to celebrate its release and thank those of us who have supported his effort by throwing a small cocktail party.   There wasn’t much or really anything to do in terms of decorating, and the invitations were simple evites so the focus was really on the food.

We have some pretty standard hors d’oeuvres that we like to roll out, but we decided to mix it up and honor the book with the food we served. My first thought was to go straight to the source material itself and plan the menu from there.  However, it appears Alex isn’t writing “foodies” as characters.  So, I was left with references to frozen lasagna, C-RATs (the precursor to MREs) and Orange Julius.  While, I’m not opposed to frozen lasagna I don’t usually serve it. 

(Sidebar: I would like to say this would make my grandmother proud, however in her later years she was prone to putting a Stouffer’s lasagna in her own pan and passing it off as homemade at important social events such as church potlucks and possibly even a wedding.) 

Even if I was going to make homemade lasagna, this wasn’t a dinner party, so it seemed a little much for the occasion.  That left me with C-RATs and of course the Orange Julius.  While I’m all for stocking up on individual cans of  meat supplied by the Department of Defense to serve for dinner during the zombie apocalypse, this just seemed like a waste of food we might have to shoot our friends over later. (Really, this does not appeal to me at all, but Alex does have a stash of freeze dried “if the supply chain runs out” food taking up too much space in the laundry room- I swear he’s only a mini-prepper).  At this point, I’m down to the beloved Orange Julius. I know everyone loves an artificially flavored frozen beverage sold in the mall food court, as an appetizer, but when I clicked the locations link on the company webpage, I got the infamous 404 error (this page does not exist).  At that point, I decided if we can’t have the authentic Orange Julius from my mall rat days, we won’t have any Orange Julius at all.  Reflecting back on this, I realize that we missed an opportunity to serve our guests spam and candied orange slices.  That would have really ensured they come back!  Try it and let me know how it goes!

Having scratched the book ideas off the list, I conferred with the author and decided that we would go with food from the time period of the book. It’s 1979 to 1980 for those of you that have just not gotten around to reading yet, or missed the giant 1980 on the book cover. The food I genuinely remember my parents serving was little smokies either out of a mustard yellow fondue pot or a crock-pot.  After that, all I remember for party food was pizza and Cool Ranch Doritos (yes, I know Cool Ranch Doritos were later in the 80s). So, to make sure I had a variety and an authentic list of food choices, I set out to conduct very intense research.  Okay, I asked my friends on Facebook.  Say what you will, most of us remember at least the 80’s and some even went so far as to ask their parents.  Much like the brilliant murder podcast hosts, I have learned that crowd sourcing is the way to go. (I’ll drop the list at the bottom of this post).

When coming up with the menu I decided to skew a little more 80’s, not because I don’t love the 70’s concept of food designed to look like other food, but because we really pulled out the best of the best (in my humble opinion) for the disco party.  (I know, Alex, I need to blog this too).  Based on feedback from our friends and a little bit of double checking on the internet, I created our basic menu:

Deviled Eggs (y’all every single time period I have looked at seems to think these were a party staple.  Maybe it’s a Southern thing.),

 Little Smokies (as mentioned above a Smith family must have)

 Bacon and Ranch Cheeseball (honestly, before this I had never actually seen a homemade cheese ball.  I’ve only experienced the ones that are full of delicious but processed cheese that destroys any cracker onto which you try to spread it. 

Mini quiches (It’s not an 80’s party if there isn’t quiche)

Artichoke Spinach Dip in a bread bowl.

Cocktail Shrimp

Vegetable Tray with Ranch Dip (The 80’s were heavy on the ranch)

Fruit tray (just for good measure)

Despite my very calm and collected party demeanor, I live in an absolute panic that we will NOT have enough food in terms of variety and amount.  I am the same way about drinks too, but as long as there is enough Chardonnay I’m fine.  To add to my general panic, this is by far the most unprepared I have been for a party since at least Caroline’s sandwich party in November.  First, we didn’t have even the skeleton of the menu settled on until the day before. To make things worse, I originally thought this is going to be a very small crew, so less than usual is fine, but I realized that Alex had not put an RSVP on the invite (Yes, I’m throwing him under the bus), and full on panic set in.  Then, I felt like we might not have enough diet/allergen specific foods, so we might need to add to the menu.  

On the day of the party, I decided to add some small croissant sandwiches to the menu.  Why croissant sandwiches you might ask?  Simply, because I listed “bread” on the shopping list, and Alex got us a nice variety.  For the record, I do like to make my own croissants, but this was not a “two days to make bread” kind of affair.  I ended up with pimento cheese sandwiches, not because pimento cheese struck me as from the 80’s, but because we like pimento cheese. The other choice was a ham and cheese sandwiches with Grey Poupon.  Caroline was not in the least bit impressed with our rendition of the “Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?” commercials. 

We also added sausage balls to the list.  I vaguely remember these from some parties, and our super menu helpers had suggested them.  While I was happy to add both the sandwiches and sausage balls to the list, I realized that that wasn’t helping round out our gluten free menu.  Thankfully, they make a gluten-free “Bisquick” so that was nice.  Alex also picked up an assortment of Pepperidge farm cookies for the dessert table. No, they weren’t gluten free, but now everyone would know we were super fancy.  

Enough with the boring food, let’s get to the good stuff. The one thing I knew we had to have was a cake. After all, one cannot celebrate a major life event such as a book launch party without a cake.  We were lucky enough that Shannon (follow her at SweetsxShan on Instagram) volunteered to make the cake.  I told her that I wanted a book cake similar to what we had served at the “Book” party many years ago.  But smaller.  I might be worried about running out of food, but we weren’t serving cake to 1000 people. Also, with Alex’s cover not “To Kill a Mockingbird”- in case that wasn’t a given. At this point in time, she could have sped back to her apartment refusing to ever speak to us again, or suggested another more reasonable cake.  She did not.  She did an excellent job, getting as close as anyone who refused to use fondant or printed icing could.  I may be her mother, but others were also impressed.  Going as far as to say the cake made the party. (I’d like to think it’s my delightful personality, but really it was the cake).

It was a cocktail party so we did have cocktails and wine.  Alex fancies himself a mixologist and enjoys the challenge of being prepared to make anyone’s order, so we did not have a menu of set cocktails.  If you aren’t Alex, I think it would be perfectly fine to have a set menu that has a mix of gin, vodka and bourbon cocktails.  

Of course, food and drink only make the backdrop for a party.  The guests are the most important, and ours are the best!  We are ever so grateful to have the wonderful support of so many friends who are willing to show up for both the good times and the bad (but nobody wants to write or read about those.) 

The List

• Crockpot meatballs with grape jelly and chili sauce
• Josephinas
• Stuffed mushrooms
• Port wine cheese ball
• Liver Pate
• Chocolate Fondue
• Beer-Cheddar Fondue
• Pigs in a Blanket
• Sausage Ball
• Sausage Rolls
• Spinach Balls
• Spinach Dip in a Bread Bowl

A Couple of Extra Notes

I appreciate that most people aren’t going to be hosting an Advanced to Contact: 1980 book party, but hopefully, this will have given you some general ideas for hosting a not-pizza and Cool Ranch Doritos 1980’s party.  

If you are a sane person, you don’t need this much food at least for a party of under 20.  I do think the variety was nice, and would go with it again.  But, we didn’t need 36 ounces of little smokies, or to double the Spinach Artichoke dip (in my defense the recipe said it served 6, and by doubling it we were able to make some gluten free).